Today was completely exhausting! Not even physically but mentally and emotionally! Everything was just drained out of me...
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I am the definition of a bad student and procrastination. And I wonder to myself why I do so bad in classes...meryll, please! Then I eventually realize why I do bad and yet I don't do anything about it.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really following the right path. It seems like I'm not happy to be where I am right now. You'd think that after screwing up enough in the past years that I'd learn my lesson. I feel like I'm going in circles and I don't know how to get out of it!
I'm 22 years old and I feel like I don't really know where my life is going! I just want to be done and over with. I wish I can finish everything I start without having to complain how life sucks! Because I know if I look close enough, I'm actually fortunate to be in this life than other people in this world. So I really just need a slap in the face to wake me up and realize that I need to change.
I called my mom not long ago and told her how much I was struggling with school. Of course, she gave me words of advice and some support...which is exactly what I needed. Oh geez, I do miss being close to home when I need it. I know that being here is good for me though because I can't always be dependent on others right? Just on my "off" days like today. Days like today where I question what I really want in this world and if I am capable of actually achieving the goals I set for myself. Days where all I want to do is quit and then beat myself up for doing just that!
Sigh, I'm glad I called home. I feel a little better. I'm feeling better that I also vented on here. Time to turn a new leaf and get my act together. I'm going to make it through this semester and then the next and so on! May God help me!
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