venting days

***Transferred from Tumblr.com on September 23, 2009 @ 10:31pm***

Today was completely exhausting! Not even physically but mentally and emotionally! Everything was just drained out of me...

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I am the definition of a bad student and procrastination. And I wonder to myself why I do so bad in classes...meryll, please! Then I eventually realize why I do bad and yet I don't do anything about it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really following the right path. It seems like I'm not happy to be where I am right now. You'd think that after screwing up enough in the past years that I'd learn my lesson. I feel like I'm going in circles and I don't know how to get out of it!

I'm 22 years old and I feel like I don't really know where my life is going! I just want to be done and over with. I wish I can finish everything I start without having to complain how life sucks! Because I know if I look close enough, I'm actually fortunate to be in this life than other people in this world. So I really just need a slap in the face to wake me up and realize that I need to change.

I called my mom not long ago and told her how much I was struggling with school. Of course, she gave me words of advice and some support...which is exactly what I needed. Oh geez, I do miss being close to home when I need it. I know that being here is good for me though because I can't always be dependent on others right? Just on my "off" days like today. Days like today where I question what I really want in this world and if I am capable of actually achieving the goals I set for myself. Days where all I want to do is quit and then beat myself up for doing just that!

Sigh, I'm glad I called home. I feel a little better. I'm feeling better that I also vented on here. Time to turn a new leaf and get my act together. I'm going to make it through this semester and then the next and so on! May God help me!

YATTA!

***Transferred from Tumblr.com on September 21, 2009 @ 11:12pm***

I've finally uploaded pictures from my camera to my mac! Thank you Angel & Gina! Now majority of them are on facebook! Oh happy day! I have room in my camera to take pictures with! I can't wait to go crazy with it! Yippie!

Today was definitely a Monday. I was sooo out of it and pretty much tired!

I think perspectives can be an online class for BOTH days! I feel like I sit there doing nothing! Hopefully it gets better as we go on. *sigh* A&P=overwhelming BUT I will get through it! As Gina said, "you must plant your seeds first, then water them in order to start your farm." Or something like that! Such wise words! Pharm is basically the same as A&P. xP Lit. is an ok class..I'm getting most of the works so I'm not complaining much.

Highlight of my day would be Self-defense class! Learned small & slow moves today and it amazes me how easy this will be once I'm done with the semester. I learned how to take an attacker if he ever grabs me by the collar or from behind! There was one move where we have to elbow the "paddings" that Pete was holding and it felt good to actually go at it! During one of my turns, I just wailed at that thing and I was actually hitting it pretty awesome-ly lol. I even received a round of applause from everyone since I did well! Yes, I do feel special! Can't wait for Wednesday's lesson! Whoo!

Austin Kyle's concert was today but I only made it to the last 10 minutes. Poop! Now it's time to read for class and think of a topic to write about for writing practicum! Greeeeat.....

Goodnight everyone!

home sweet home

***Transferred from Tumblr.com on September 21, 2009 @ 2:21am***

I've gone two weeks without going home...until yesterday hahah. I would've gone longer but I really needed a dress for homecoming this Saturday and this weekend was the only time I could go home.

I picked up my brother, Myke, from North Central College (NCC) as well. Man that is a tiring trip! It's 3.5 hours from Clarke to NCC and another 1.5 hours from NCC to Rockford! So basically, I drove 5 hours yesterday AND today! It was all worth it though.

Little brother, and I caught up with happenings in our college life. Mostly good things, of course. First thing we did when we got to town was stop by my mother dearest's work place and greet her hello. My mommy got a haircut and she looks so cute! Angela Poggioli never fails! =)

I had to stop by Cherryvalle mall to look for accessories but failed lol. Myke bought Q's gift then rushed over to his 9th birthday party! These kids are growing up too fast man! I'm getting older and older! AHH! I caught up with Mae Mae and Cindy! It's like I saw them just yesterday! I love it! Definitely going to call Cindy more often to check on her and her new toyS and gadgets lol.

Stopped by the Jalla house for Carlo's 21st then went home to do some laundry. I fell asleep while doing it so my Pops finished it off for me! Thank you much! Sigh. I was home for such a short time =( Next time I'll be home will probably be 2nd or 3rd week of October.

I dropped off Myke at NCC, had Chipotle for lunch, and ate it in his dorm. I like the look of my dorm better heheh. The brick walls over there make me feel claustrophobic! The drive to Clarke was a biznitch! It was raining cats and dogs! But I managed to keep my speed and pass a crap load of vehicles. I must say that my driving abilities have sky rocketed =D.

On a good note, I'm back at Clarke! Reunited with Gina and Erin once again! LOL! This weekend made me realize some of the reasons why I'm here to meet new people...I only miss certain parts of Rockford. Only a selected few people and my family! So glad to be back here.....& I really am getting used to "fun sized" as my nickname lol. Can't wait to have a blast this week because...

It's Homecoming week!!!

Tonight (sunday) was the Mr. Clarke pageant and it was pretty interesting i must say. I hope the rest of the week turns out pretty awesome! I'll keep you guys updated soon enough!

[WARNING: LONG ENTRY!] "Julie & Julia"...

***Transferred from Tumblr.com on September 18, 2009 @ 2:21am***

...has motivated me to finally write in my blog. I've been eager to write about my new adventure for the longest time but haven't had the right motivation to do so. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, my new adventure is....CLARKE!

Eight months ago, my plans were to take a semester off and get a job so I can save money for....who knows what! Mother dearest of mine was not fond of that idea. I literally applied for Clarke out of the blue. My hopes weren't very high and I was ready to get rejected...again. It seemed to be the trend the past year or so. But this summer changed my plans completely! I was accepted into the school and eventually into the nursing program! Prayers do get answered!

It was quite an overwhelming last couple weeks of the summer. From getting ready to "move on' and spending a "crap load" of money! Good thing I worked my butt off this summer. Sadly, most of it is gone already. Oh how life works.

The beginning of CONNECT (a welcome weekend event) was a scary experience. It was a sign of starting over. I'm not really good at that whole ordeal. I like being in my comfort zone...is that what they call it? I don't even know!

Anyway, we pulled into Clarke Drive and you can see people in bright green t-shirts, TUCKPOINTERS, helping new students get settled and a bunch of people moving in! I got situated in my room and spent some time with the FAMBAM! They didn't stay long though since it was raining and my dad can't handle driving in that, especially when it gets pretty dark. Honestly, I didn't want them to leave. If I could've, I'd keep them in my closet and take them out whenever I needed them. Hahah yes, I know. Impossible. My family does not like to show each other how much we want to cry but it was pretty obvious. I cried on my way to our next meeting of the day. It was so horrible! But I made it right?

I've been at Clarke for almost a month now and I'm still in the transition phase. Classes are going alright....for the most part, at least. I feel at home when I walk into my room. The challenge I think was/is most difficult for me is meeting new people. People back home will think I am totally lying after reading that last sentence. That's just not me! I'm just used to knowing EVERYONE and I'm usually the type that will come up to a complete stranger and talk to them. I swear, it will be the death of me someday. Yet somehow it is so difficult for me to be "me" here. I get frightened easily. I don't know...I'll probably get there sooner or later.

I know I'm starting to love it here. Slowly but surely. My tuckpointers are always out and about greeting me when I pass by. I have Angel, who I have known since we were little, and her friends that I've hung out a couple times. And of course, the two people that have been keeping me sane, Erin and Gina! I love them to death! I don't know what'd I'd do without them! Erin's boyfriend, Cody, goes to the same school as my little brother, Mykey! Small world right? Gotta love it! Gina has introduced me to her Loras friends and I completely adore them! They remind me of my friends back home! I'm so glad I've met these wonderful people because it's making my journey a little smoother than I expected.

Let's see what the next couple of months have in stored for me. I will try to update as much as I can. I promise I will try to make the entries a bit shorter than this one. Apologies in advanced if I don't fulfill that promise though. =)

Stay tuned!

~Meryll~

***Transferred from Tumblr.com on June 14, 2009 @ 1:39pm***